I can't sleep..

I've never been a good sleeper. My mom said that when I was a baby, she kept waiting for me to sleep through the night and it never happened. She said I was never fussy or angry about being awake in the middle of the night, and that most of the time I would just lie there contentedly.

I hate to tell her that the same is true today. I love to sleep. In fact, there is a rule in our house that when I am sleeping that you do not wake me up, or else you will be certain to suffer the wrath of Mean Julie. But, alas, I have not slept a full eight hours, ever.

It doesn't help that I have hearing like a bat and any if the neighbor two houses down on Dartmouth Drive sneezes, I will indeed hear it and sit bolt upright in bed. And my dear, sweet husband snores like a freight train, although this is much better since he lost about 40 pounds recently. So, I enlisted the help of some earplugs. Those are a wonderful invention!

I've asked my doc about this several times and he gives me the same blah blah.. wound to tight.. blah blah.. bedtime routine... Whatever. I've tried the routine and it doesn't work and I've tried Melatonin, and that just makes me a zombie for the rest of the next day.

But there is something very soothing for me to be pattering around the house at God's hours. Sometimes I go and sit on my back deck and listen to the world make all of it's beautiful noises around me. I'll even confess to  waking up in a panic about my horse and going out there at 2:00 a.m. just to check on her. Most of the time I find her grazing or sleeping soundly. Happy to see me, of course, but confused by my sudden appearance. I'll also do some cleaning, or if I know that I can try to catch a nap the next day, I'll stay up just to watch the sunrise.

And, it's not that I can't sleep, I just can't seem to stay asleep. Something inside of me jolts me awake at odd hours. My father was like this, too. And, like him I have an internal alarm clock, and I've been told both he and my grandfather never set an alarm. I have the  alarm next to my bed set every morning for 5:30 a.m., but I am always awake by 4:45 a.m.

I guess I have inherited this internal alarm clock, only I wish that I could set it to give me a good solid eight hours of sleep and not go off at random times.

 "Muhammed my Friend " -Tori Amos with Maynard James Keenan (Tool)